


Lost Boy

by NotEvenCloseToStraight



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Sexual Assault, College AU, Drug Use, Glasses, Law School, Library, Light Angst, Light Sexual Content, M/M, Piercing, Platonic Sleep Overs, Protective Steve, Punk!Tony, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Studying, break ups, drug references, lawyer!Steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-08 02:07:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10375464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenCloseToStraight/pseuds/NotEvenCloseToStraight
Summary: Steve has eight weeks to finish studying for and pass his bar exam. And its going rather well, until 20 year old boy genius Tony walks into the same library, and sits at the same table.Steve doesn't usually go for kids like Tony- young and irresponsible, ripped jeans and eye liner, and a tongue ring that is way more distracting that it should be.Oh, and Tony is high as a kite, studying his physics text book.Steve should look away, but he cant stop staring, and Tony is staring right back, more than a little interested in the serious blonde with the cute glasses and big shoulders pushing against that button up.A stand up guy like Steve could be good for a troubled kid like Tony. But maybe a punk kid like Tony is good for a guy like Steve as well.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Alright darlings. This one was hard to write, partly because I pulled quite a bit off my own experience to write Tony. So Trigger Warnings.. Drug use, references, consequences. Shady parties at bad houses. Attempted sexual assault, but it doesn't get very far, and its NOT BY STEVE.   
> I hope nobody is distressed reading this, I always have a happy ending on my fics.   
> I live for comments and kudos so please reach out to me.   
> Love you guys!  
> Find me on tumblr @not-close-to-straight

**Chapter One**

*******************

The first time Steve and Tony met, Steve was studying for his bar exam, hunched over a pile of books in the college library. 

“Can I sit here?” A low voice asked, and Steve looked up, before looking right back down, instantly flustered, stuttering over his words as he tried to gather his thoughts. 

“Uh yeah-yeah, whatever.” He cleared a stack of books off and the other man set a big stack down.

“Thanks.” 

Steve couldn't help stealing glances.  

The newcomer was young, definitely younger than Steve's 25 years. Maybe barely out of high school. Dressed all in black, knees showing through ripped denim, and a worn AC/D.C. shirt stretching across his shoulders. 

He was gorgeous. Steve couldn't help wanting to stare. He was just... _ gorgeous.  _ Clear skin, big eyes made more dramatic by eye liner. Dark hair that just barely started curling over his ears. Wiry muscles in his arms, and long legs. Just the beginning of a goatee around his mouth and chin. It was sexy in a scruffy, punk kid kind of way. 

Steve was hooked instantly. .

Unfortunately, the kid  was also high as fuck. 

Steve could tell from across the table.

Those dark brown eyes were dilated so far they were almost black. The hand that traced sentences in the thick book was shaking and his lips were red from being bitten and licked.

Why he would come to the library high was beyond Steve, but instead of worrying about it, he just kept studying, glancing up every once in while when the other guy would shift and sigh. 

“You want some water?” Steve handed him a bottle from his bag, a few minutes later, unable to ignore it any longer and the kid looked up in surprise. 

“Uh yeah. Thank you.” He drained it in almost one go, and smiled. “I'm Tony.”

“Steve.” 

Tony's dark eyes drifted over broad shoulders, short blonde hair, blue eyes behind glasses, and  _ thick  _ arms. 

When he licked his lips again, it was purely in interest.

*****************

Steve offered him a ride home, seeing as how there was no way the boy was driving anywhere in that state, and Tony accepted quickly.

“Thanks man. I probably would have just walked and this is a long way to walk. I appreciate the ride home.”

‘Home’ was a giant brownstone on east end, and Steve looked at it with just a touch of awe.

“You gonna be okay walking up that driveway?”

“I'm fine.” Tony laughed, a soft husky sound that made Steve's stomach tighten. “Just a little dizzy.”

“Come on then.” 

With Steve's arm wrapped around his waist, they managed a slow walk up the driveway, Steve taking the kids keys and opening the door.

“I'm not a bad kid.” The boy suddenly said. “Just… just kind of lost lately.”

“We’re all a little lost sometimes.” Steve replied quietly, and let himself out.

**************************

The second time Steve saw Tony he was just walking down the street headed to the library after stepping out for bite of lunch. 

He did a double take when he saw Tony out with a couple of teenagers, dressed in another all black ensemble, this time complete with fingerless gloves. A shorter brunette had his arms wrapped around a redhead not wearing near enough clothing, and a tall boy with a full sleeve tattooed down his left arm, his tank top not hiding any of the muscles across his back, was leaning over Tony, who was pressed against a building, a hand on the kids chest.

Steve looked away.

It had taken a whole week to stop thinking about Tony, about the way his dark eyes had sparked even while high. The way the light had touched over smooth skin, the soft voice giving him directions on the ride home. Tony had a tongue ring that clicked against his teeth when he spoke, and it was way more distracting than it should have been. 

Steve hadn't been able to get the junkie out of his head, and it was driving him crazy, so he looked away.

“Steve.” Tony saw him though, and pushed the tall kid away. “Steve!” His face lit up and he jogged over to where Steve had paused on the library steps. 

“Hey Tony.” A quick once-over assured him Tony wasn't high so he smiled down at him.

“Hey.” Tony's smile was equal parts shy and teasing. “I didn't think you'd remember me.”

“Hard to forget.” Steve admitted, and Tony grinned.

“Back studying again?”

“Oh, um, yeah. I have to take the bar in a few months.”

“Lawyer man, huh?” His eyes sparkled and Steve fought not to grin. 

“I suppose so.” He nodded. “Just under eight weeks left.” 

“Study hard then, pretty boy. Ive never been with a lawyer before.” Tony stood on his toes and brushed a kiss over Steve's cheek, his hands gripping his jacket, before basically running back to his friends.

Steve walked into the library and started studying again, like he wasn't blushing, like he wasn't going to be thinking about that barely-there kiss all day, like the idea of  _ being with Tony  _ didn't make him instantly, physically uncomfortable. 

****************************

When Steve reached into his jacket pocket for his keys, nearly eight hours later, he frowned when he felt a piece of paper.

In handwriting he didn't recognize, a phone number and a ridiculous amount of ‘xoxo-s’ were scrawled on the back of a receipt. 

On the bottom is just said “Tony” in a heart. 

Steve rolled his eyes but didn't stop smiling. 

That's what he needed in life. A drug using teenager with a crush on him.

****************************

Tony was waiting on the library steps a couple days later when Steve showed up. 

“Tony. What are you doing here?” 

“Stalking you.” he answered with a flippant shrug, then burst out laughing when Steve's eyes widened. “Calm down, not really. I um-” he glanced away sheepishly. “I asked the girl up front when the hot lawyer came to study and she said everyday from 11:15 to about eight pm. So I just thought I’d wait.

“Oh?” Steve raised an eyebrow and Tony sent him an innocent look.

“I gave you my number.” he said in a high, accented voice. “I thought you might call.” 

Steve just looked at him, confused. “Really? Moriarty? BBC Sherlock? Nothing?”

“I can't tell you the last time I watched TV, Tony.” 

“Okay, well that joke didn't work out how I planned.” Tony jumped to his feet. “So really, um, why didn't you call?” 

“I'm just--” Steve ran his hand through his hair. “Just busy. And you’re..young. Quite a bit younger than me.”

“Legal. Twenty.” Tony countered. “If that's the problem. Is it?”

“No, of course not.” Steve frowned. “I wouldn't even have looked twice if I thought you were underage.”

“You only looked twice?” Tony teased, and Steve kind of hated how easy it was for Tony to make him smile. “I could have sworn it was at least three times.” 

“What are you studying?” Steve asked curiously, partly because he wanted to know, mostly to change the subject.

“Physics.” Tony answered with a grin. “Not today actually, I'm busy, but tomorrow? Will you be here?”

Steve paused with one foot on the step, then grabbed his phone and threw out a quick message. 

Tony's phone trilled, and he looked down, then up again in surprise. “Is this you? I thought you didn't want to call--?”

“I did.” Steve admitted. “Just cause I  _ didn't _ call, doesn't mean I didn't want to. Some days are harder than others with all this.”

“I'm not a junkie, you know.” Tony said quietly, looking down the sidewalk self consciously. “I just… I'm just… I’m smart, you know. Super smart. Some days are just  bad.” 

“I believe it.” Steve answered and Tony bit his lip. 

“I'm serious. I know I was high the other day and I just don't want you to think--”

“I don't.” Steve finally smiled, and Tony's whole face lit up.

******************************

**~~From: Tony~~**

_ \--You should be studying and not texting me, but text me back anyway _

**~~To: Tony~~**

_ \--yeah, i should be studying but it's fine. _

_ \--what are you doing today anyway? Besides skulking around the library preying on law students _

**~~From: Tony~~**

_ \--oh don't worry you are the only law student i am preying on. Let me know when you get tired so I can move in for the kill. _

Steve hated himself for laughing so hard at the text.

*****************

**Chapter Two**

*****************

The first time Tony met him inside the library at his usual table, Steve looked him over quickly, checking his eyes and his hands, before finally smiling and sitting. 

Tony just rolled those dark eyes and pulled an equally thick textbook from the shelves and slouched in a seat to read. “Am I going to have to do a pee test before you let me sit with you each time?”

“Are you planning on sitting with me often?” Steve asked, reaching for his glasses and glancing up in time to see Tony's smirk.

“Oh as often as I can, lawyer man. Not gonna get tired of those baby blues anytime soon.” 

Steve smiled and shook his head, trying to concentrate on his reading. 

But Tony was shifting in his seat, rubbing his hands down his thighs, clicking that tongue ring and Steve couldn't handle it after a few minutes and finally asked, “Really? ‘ _ Special Relativity and It's Experimental Foundations’?  _ That's what you're reading?” 

Tony grinned at finally having gotten Steve's attention, but then frowned a little. “What, you've never re-read a book?”

“Re-read.” Steve pulled his glasses off and rubbed at his eyes. “You're telling me you've already read this.”

“A few times.” Tony flipped a page casually. “My thesis for my masters pulled quite a few ideas from this.”

Steve just stared. “Thesis. You're twenty.”

“I didn't say it was finished.” Tony flipped another page. “I went to college at sixteen. Well started college. Tested out of most of the first few years. Got my bachelors basically online. But I've slowed down these last several months. Life has kind of…” his voice trailed off, and he leaned back in his chair, balancing a scuffed show on the library table. His bony knee was showing through his torn black jeans, and the hand not holding the book moved restlessly against his thigh. Steve was having a hard time not staring, watching Tony's hand, even in those ridiculous black gloves, stroke up and down, over his thigh. 

“Honestly? Sixteen?” He dragged himself back to the conversation, kicking himself for letting his mind wander.

“Yeah.”

“So why are you--” Steve flicked a hand over Tony's outfit. 

“What, living with my Aunt, dressing like I'm homeless and hanging out with kids who just get high all the time?”

“Sure. I didn't know about the Aunt part, but sure.”

“Why not?” Tony shrugged and Steve didn't have an answer that wouldn't sound condescending, so he just went back to reading.

Tony did as well, and for a long time the only sound was the turning of pages.

“You don't like how I dress?” He asked quietly and Steve forced himself not to look up.

“No, I like it. I mean, I don't mind it. Not my usual style but-”

“But you're willing to walk on the wild side?” Tony's voice dropped into something low and dark and Steve nearly snapped his pencil. “Oh my god.” The boy laughed soft and slow. “You are fucking adorable.”

************************

Steve didn't know when or why it became a ‘thing’, but suddenly Tony was at the library all the time, slouching in his chair and speed reading his way through  different physics textbook every few days. 

He started ordering lunch in, after licking his lips and declaring that a big boy like Steve needed to keep his strength up for more fun activities. Steve always paid for the food, and Tony always made a comment about ‘making it up’ in one way or another. Then he'd laugh quietly when Steve rolled his eyes and go right back to reading. 

Sometimes they would talk through lunch, Tony wanting to hear about law school and the upcoming exam, Steve just wanting to hear Tony talk about his life. He had a way of speaking that made him seem so much bigger than his average size, his voice rising and falling with every sentence, his dark eyes so earnest sometimes that Steve wanted to sit and watch all day.

He learned Tony lived with his Aunt Peggy, and had since he was seventeen. Tony's mom had died several years before, and his dad wasn't in the picture. 

He had been interested in physics since he was in junior high, and liked to tinker in his garage when he had free time because engines and cars fascinated him.

Steve told him of getting the scholarship to play football, and how he'd never been able to afford college otherwise. How living this far from his family was kind of a relief after so many years in a crowded house in a shitty side of town. How law school had always been a dream of his, and that he had a job waiting for him once he passed the bar, and he couldn't wait.

Steve was fascinated by Tony, there really was no other way to say it. Tony was hilarious in a dry sarcastic way, a change from Steve's straightforward sense of humour. He was into old rock bands and the detective show genre, quoting from his favorite shows constantly, until Steve started watching them when he got home, just to understand the references. Every time Tony said something funny, he would lean forward in his chair, eyes sparkling, like hearing Steve laugh was the best part of his day.

Tony never even made a point of being discreet with his glances, in fact he was purposefully obvious, often staring at Steve while clicking his tongue ring, until the blonde blushed and looked away. Or running whatever pen was in his hand over his lips slowly, while glancing up through his dark lashes. Several times Tony would ask an innocent question, maybe about Steve's childhood, then yawned and stretched and ran his foot up Steve's leg until the blonde couldn't ignore it and jumped, stuttering through whatever he was trying to say.

He had started texting Steve more often, sometimes just random observations about people he saw, other times it was in depth reasoning about morality or politics. And then there were the flirty texts, that made Steve stammer and put his phone down, trying to focus on his reading, but entirely unable to when Tony was saying things like “ _ you should wear less jeans and more fitted slacks. I didn't take my eyes off your ass once today.” _

Finally, after a couple weeks of this… whatever it was, Tony stood to leave, and leaned over the table and cleared his throat, waiting for Steve to look up.

“What's up Tony?” 

“Oh just--” he reached out and stroked his finger over Steve's jaw, leaning closer and sighing softly before sliding their lips, tongue flicking out to tease against his mouth, then slip inside when Steve opened in surprise. 

“Mmm.” He made a satisfied noise deep in his throat when he pulled away. “I've been trying to seduce you for weeks, and the flirting wasn't working so I figured I'd try something a little more straightforward.”

“Seduce me?” Steve knew his jaw was hanging open, but couldn't quite manage to wipe the shocked look from his face. 

“Did you really think I sat here all this time to brush up on my physics? I finished my paper weeks ago.” Tony winked at him, and gathered his things nonchalantly. 

Steve stared until the boy disappeared out the front door, then reached for his phone when it buzzed.

**< From: Tony>**

\-- _ your move pretty boy.  _

*****************

Steve shook his head to clear his eyes and gripped the steering wheel harder. 

It was three am. Three  _ fucking  _ am and Tony had texted him asking for a ride. 

Steve wanted to be pissed, but he couldn't be. He was mostly glad the kid knew he could text him for help. But a piece of him was excited to see the brunette. He hadn't seen Tony since that mind blowing kiss earlier the previous day, and thinking about anything else was proving impossible. 

So instead of getting mad, he’d just rolled out of bed, threw on some jeans and stumbled out the door.

“There he is.” Steve muttered, rolling to a stop next to a bus bench, where the teenager was sprawled out, head tipped back and eyes closed. “Tony! Hey! Are you alright?” 

“Hey. Oh my  _ god _ you came.” Tony blinked at him slowly, then smiled. “I didn't think you'd actually--” he stood and nearly fell off the bench, struggling to right himself just long enough to slide into the passenger seat.

“You're high.” Steve said, stunned at exactly how far gone the kid actually was. “I mean high as hell. Tony what the  _ fuck _ ?” 

Tony laughed breathlessly.

“I  _ am _ high!! You're  _ so _ smart. You're gonna pass the bar no problem. So smart. And gorgeous too. Love that blonde.” 

He was rambling, barely coherent and Steve sent him an anxious look.

“What'd you take?” he frowned and turned the car around, heading towards Tony's place on the other side of town. 

“Doesn't matter.” Tony slurred. “Didn't take enough of it to OD. Should come down in a few hours. Don't take me to Auntie's though. Pretty please, Pretty boy?” 

“I have to, Tony. Where else could I take you?” Steve was trying not to shout, trying not to be irritated but  _ he was so angry _ Tony was doing this again. Especially after finding out how smart the kid was. Steve had researched him, after that first day at the library. 

Tony hadn't been lying. He'd graduated with a bachelors at nineteen and a half. But that was  _ after _ he'd invented some hybrid fuel system for aircraft that allowed them to double the distance they could fly before needing to refuel. It could literally change the way the military operated, and commercial planes traveled. And Tony had figured it out on paper, patented it, and was pulling in royalties so large the number had made Steve's head hurt.

No wonder he always argued about who was paying for lunch.

No wonder he had casually mentioned that engines were fascinating to him.

Steve didn't understand it. Tony was gorgeous, smarter than anyone else he'd ever known, and rich as hell, and he chose to spend his days hanging out in the library and his nights getting high. 

“You're angry with me.” Tony pouted, biting his bottom lip. 

“I'm furious.” Steve admitted. “I read up on you Tony. You are just…  _ wasting _ yourself like this, and maybe it shouldn't piss me off, but it does.”

Tony laughed softly, his head lolling back against the headrest. “Everybody fucking says that. But… but do you know the worst thing about being brilliant?”

“Brilliant? Tony you're a  _ genius. _ I feel like brilliant isn't even the right word for you.”

“Okay then.” Tony replied sarcastically. “You know the worst thing about being a  _ genius _ ? My mind never stops. Not ever. I can tell you right now how fast you should be going to get optimal gas mileage from your car. I know that your left foot is the slightest bit bigger than your right, which is why you walk with a little swagger like that. I also know the  _ other  _ reason you walk like that. I can figure out how much alcohol someone can consume before being legally drunk based on their height and weight in my head.” He took a deep breath and rubbed his hands down his thighs. “You know the best thing about drugs, Steve?” Tony tapped his head. “It slows me down here. My mind moves maybe at average speed. It's the only time I get some peace. The only time I feel something like normal. Problem is, it takes so much to slow me down it's always dangerous. Always always always. Good thing I know how much I can handle right? It's math. It's all math.”

“Hey easy, easy.” Steve placed a hand on Tony's thigh, stopping the frantic up and down motion. “Just slow down, Tony, breathe through it.”

“That's exactly it! I can't fucking slow it down!!” Tony's laugh sounded a little manic and Steve flinched at the sound. 

“I'm sorry Tony. I can't say I understand, but...I'm sorry.” Steve finally said, and Tony sighed, seeming to deflate, slouching further down in the seat.

“Don't take me home to Aunt Peggy's. She cries every time I come home high, and I can't do that to her tonight. It kills me when she cries. I've made her cry a lot. Seems like she's always disappointed in me.”

“Alright.” Steve made a quick decision, and switched lanes and turned the opposite direction. He didn't say anything else until he pulled into the driveway of his duplex, walking around to help Tony out of the car. “Come on, then.”

His house wasn't anything like the brownstone Tony lived in, but it was enough for just him, and Tony looked around the space with a curious smile on his face. 

Steve helped him lay down on the couch, grabbing a trash can in case he needed to vomit, and several bottles of water.

“Why didn't you put me in your bed?” Tony leaned up on his elbow, a wicked smile curling around his lips. “You know, I see how you look at me. You think you're sly, but you’re completely not.”

Steve sighed and rubbed his face.  “I-I  don't look at you any particular way.”

Tony just smiled a little more and stretched out, his shirt pulling tight over his chest, and Steve made himself look away. “You look at me like you want me. Don't you want me? Don't you want to walk on the wild side? Come on and show me why blondes have more fun.” 

_ Jesus Christ _ . Steve was so angry he could barely see straight. It was bad enough the boy was high, but to be talking  _ like that,  _ especially after kissing him  _ like that  _ was just too much. 

“Whether that's true or not,” he bit out through clenched teeth.“Not gonna touch you till you're sober, Tony.”

The brunette giggled, a sound that would have made Steve's knees weak if the situation had been different. “So when I'm sober you'll bend me over and fuck me?” Tony clicked the “k” sound, “like over our study table in the library?” Steve just shook his head in disbelief.

“No. Tony, what the  _ hell _ ?”

If anything, Steve's answer seemed to upset him, and Tony sat up farther, his grin disappearing. 

“What? Well why not? Why wouldn't you fuck me?”

“Because I'm not that type of guy.” Steve insisted, tugging at his hair. This night was going so badly he could scarcely believe it.

“You're not gay?” Tony flopped back into the couch. “Did I read things that badly? Jesus H on a stick I can't believe--”

“Tony, tony hush.” Steve held up his hands to stop the rambling. “I meant I'm not the type of guy to just… fuck you like that. Not our first time together, and certainly not while you're high.” 

“Oh.” Tony thought for a few seconds. “That's the only type of guy I know. Guys who would take me up on that offer.” Tony looked away and the truth- the  _ implications _ \- of his quiet statement washed all the anger from Steve's body. 

“You need to know better people.” He said quietly, and Tony turned away, rolling over and hiding his face in the couch cushions. 

“Better people like you? Cuz I'd like to know you, Steve.” The words were muffled, but Steve still caught them and swallowed hard.

“I'd like to know you too Tony.”

**********************

**Chapter Three**

**********************

They didn't talk about it, not the next morning when Steve drove Tony back to Peggy's, or the day after when Steve dragged himself back to the library to study some more. He was surprised to see Tony waiting for him at their usual table, but didn't comment on it, just said a quiet hello and opened his books. 

When Tony ordered lunch, Steve handed him a twenty to cover it, and they ate in silence.

But when Tony started gathering his things to leave at five, Steve reached out and grabbed his wrist, tugging him down until he could cup his jaw, his fingers stroking over the stubble there. 

“You text me…” he cleared his throat. “Every time. Do you hear me?  Every time.” 

Tony's eyes widened and he nodded in understanding. 

“I will  _ always _ come and get you. Every time. It's not that I approve or anything like that at all. But I'd rather you be safe with me then on somebody's couch. High or- or not, okay? Whatever this is between us is--” he cleared his throat again, “I don't know what this is, but let's keep working at it. So you text me every time.”

“Okay.” Tony whispered, his dark eyes damp with emotion, and Steve pulled him down farther until their lips met in a gentle kiss. “ _ Oh.” _ For once,Tony was speechless, and Steve smiled for the first time all day. 

The next day, Tony was back to normal, sarcastic little comments, long long looks, flirty texts, and not very accidental touches. 

Steve kissed him again before he left, longer this time, holding Tony's jaw firmly, his tongue stroking up and into his mouth. 

The brunette melted against him, moaning softly, sliding into Steve's lap, and kissing him back almost desperately.

“Easy.” Steve murmured against his lips, breaking the embrace before anyone else in the room took notice, and Tony shivered. 

“Sorry about that.”His tone was soft and subdued and he ran his fingers through Steve's hair. “I just never thought a kiss could  _ actually _ make my knees weak.” 

“You  _ have _ been kissed before, right Tony?” Steve asked, raising his eyebrows, his hands tightening around the slim waist. 

“Um, not by someone who actually likes me, you know. Mostly just… hook ups.” Tony admitted, and Steve's heart broke a little. 

“Tony.” He kissed him again, just to see the pleased smile on Tony's lips after. 

********************

It was two weeks of studying together, long goodbye kisses, and quiet talks before Steve got another middle of the night text.

Tony was at the same place, and Steve parked the car, throwing out a quick text so Tony knew he was waiting. 

“Hey.” Tony jumped in the car, and Steve looked him over quickly. 

“Oh. You're--”

“Sober. Yeah.” Tony put on his seatbelt and folded his arms. 

“Then why--?” Steve motioned to the house then back to himself and Tony sighed.

“You said every time.” Tony glanced up at him, then away. “Whether I was high or not, right? So I texted you. Is that, um, is that alright?”

Steve tried not to grin, but he couldn't quite help himself. 

“So you just--”

“Want to spend some time with you.” Tony finished. 

“Alright then.” Steve pulled the car into a u-turn and headed back to his place, reaching across the seat to lace their fingers together.

******************************

“So, is this like a thing now?” Steve asked, after picking a sober Tony up for the fourth or fifth time in a week. “You calling me at one am just so you can sleep on my couch?”

The first night Tony had spent over had involved a long conversation about how Tony could sleep at the house but not in bed with Steve. A talk about boundaries and new relationships, even if theirs was an odd one. He was already too tempted when it came to Tony, and the kid took perverse pleasure in seeing how far he could push Steve before the blond caved.

So no bed, period. 

Tony had grumbled and complained, and then undressed right in front of Steve, who just barely looked away in time. He had yet to live that down, Tony was now completely convinced he was a virgin who had never seen another guy naked. 

Steve had protested, but when Tony had insisted the only to prove his non virginity was to let him sleep in bed with him, Steve had backed down, and Tony had changed his contact info to “the virgin” in his phone. 

“Should I stop coming over then?” Tony asked, staring out the window, and Steve shook his head. 

“Nope. Definitely not. CBut maybe you just, you know, come over earlier, so I can get some sleep instead of driving all over looking for you at night.”

“Yeah? I can do that?” Tony looked pleased and Steve reached over for his hand.

“Anytime, Tony.”

*****************

They talked a lot, on the sober nights. Tony would show up around eight or nine O’clock with a change of clothes, make his bed on the couch, then curl up next to Steve to watch a movie and talk. 

One night  he talked about his mom passing, the horrible car accident that still gave him nightmares, and how his dad had never made it out of the bottle after. Steve just held him tight and listened. 

How he was fourteen the first time the fuel system had occurred to him, and he had worked on it in between classes and while waiting for the bus from school. How he’d never driven a car in his life. When he was seventeen, he had packed up and left his dad's house, hitchhiking a ride to get to his Aunt Peggy. 

“Do you know what you are after you invent something amazing? A has been. Wasting your life, a disappointment. Like once you've been amazing you either have to always be amazing or you're worthless.” Tony said one night, eyes closed as Steve worked his fingers through the soft brown hair. “I invented one thing, and it's like, the only thing I'll ever do with my life. It's depressing.” 

Another time, he told Steve about the drugs. “After my mom passed, it was like I couldn't turn my brain off. I just kept seeing the accident over and over. Wrote out math equations to see if she had been going a little slower, if the other truck had turned just a few seconds earlier, maybe she would have lived. I couldn't stop it. My dad drank, but I didn't want to do that. The first time I tried ecstasy was the most fun I'd ever had in my life. For the first time in months I could smile. The first time I took a hit of acid, I thought I was going to die. So I backed off the heavy and tried mushrooms and weed, but that wasn't intense enough. Coke didn't slow me down, I always thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest.” 

“So what works?” Steve asked slowly, holding Tony closer to him.

“None of it. But ecstasy comes the closest I guess.” 

“Is that why you won't sleep with me?” Tony asked, later that same night, as Steve was getting ready for bed. “The drugs? I’ve never shot up or anything. Nothing like that. But is that why?”

“No Tony.” Steve frowned. “It's not that at all. We’ve just only been sort of dating for a few weeks. After I take the exam and my life settles down, I'll take you on a real date, something where we can spend some time together actually doing something fun. Dinner and drinks maybe. A movie. And then,  _ then, _ I’ll take you to bed.” 

Tony's dark eyes lit and he sent Steve a long, slow smile. “Take me to bed? That sounds romantic.” 

“That's the idea.” Steve bent and kissed him goodnight, lingering longer than usual, until Tony was panting softly, arching into the kiss, sliding his hands under Steve's shirt to get as close as he could. 

“Please let me sleep next to you tonight.” he whispered. “I won't try to seduce you or anything. I just want to be close to you.” 

“I want to be close to you too. But it's...Not a good idea. Not right now.” Steve said with a quiet sigh. “I really need to sleep, and I won't with you there. Not even close. That's why we have that rule. You can sleep here but we can't sleep together. Not yet.”

“Fine.” Tony stuck his bottom lip out. He understood  _ why  _ Steve insisted on waiting, because sex would be a hell of a distraction,  _ and  _ because they were still getting to know each other. But he pouted anyway and Steve laughed and kissed it away. 

“Two weeks until I take my test, baby. So close. We are so close.”

Tony grinned when Steve called him  _ baby.  _

“I guess I need a better name for you than Lawyer Man and Pretty boy, don't I?”

“You can call me whatever you want.” Steve assured him, and kissed him just once more before heading towards his bedroom.

“Lock your door tonight!” Tony called. “Pretty sure I'm going to start sleepwalking any minute now!” 

Steve just laughed.

************************

A few days later, Tony found Steve in the back stacks of the library, searching through the shelves.

“What are you doing?” Tony whispered, and Steve sighed in frustration.

“The librarian says they have this book I need, but I can't find a call number in the catalog so I'm just searching.”

“Boring.” Tony flicked his tongue, the silver bar pierced through it clicking against his teeth. 

“It is, but I need it.” Running his fingers through his already messy hair, Steve sighed. “I'm so burnt out on studying babe. I only have a week left to cram, and I’m just burnt out. I can't wait until this is over.”

“I know.” Tony's eyes lit mischievously. “So why don't you take a quick break.” 

“Yeah, I might go home for a nap. I didn't get a ton of sleep last night.”

“That's not my fault.” he protested  “I stayed on the couch just like you ordered.”

“Tony, you pretended you were  _ jerking off _ on the couch, and I had to listen to it.”

“Was I pretending?” Tony said with a wicked smile and Steve's eyes widened. “Do you think I could say your name like that if I was  _ pretending _ ?”

“Jesus Tony.” Steve closed his eyes and shook his head. “Now I am definitely going home for a break.”

“Don't have to go home.” Tony's voice dropped even further, and Steve looked down at him, half curious, half worried about whatever was going through his boyfriend’s mind. 

“What now?”

“Shh.” Tony shushed him and curled his fingers into the short blonde strands on Steve's neck, standing up on his toes and brushing their mouths together. When Steve didn't pull away, Tony moved closer, looping his arms around his neck and kissing him harder.  “Come on.” He coaxed, and Steve gave in with a soft groan, cupping Tony's jaw to hold him still, urging him to open, to let him in.

Tony opened obediently, sighing softly when Steve's tongue slipped into his mouth to slide and play against his own. The blond tilted his head farther, pushing into him more and Tony tried to swallow his moan, tried to keep quiet.

“We should have just gone home.” Steve whispered, and even that soft, his voice was hoarse and Tony shivered.

“I can be quiet.” He promised.

“I don't want you to be quiet.” Steve said right back, and the heat that raced down Tony's spine almost made him collapse. “I like how you sounded last night.”  He turned them so Tony's back was pressed against the bookshelves, so he could hold him around the hips and lift him up.

“Jesus  _ muscles _ .” Tony bit his lip, wrapping his legs around Steve's waist. “You're like porn you know that?”

“I really really don't know what that means.” Steve said, sealing their lips together. Tony moaned into the embrace, one arm locked around Steve's neck, the other roaming over the big arms, broad shoulders. 

Tony broke the kiss just long enough to pull Steve's glasses off, tucking them in the shelf behind them, and mussing through Steve's hair.

“You're like the librarian in the beginning of the film. Like gorgeous, but all buttoned up and serious. But once the glasses come off and the shirts unbuttoned you're the star of the film. The hottest thing in the world.” 

“So you only want me without glasses and with my shirt unbuttoned? Is that what you think about when you sleep on the couch?” Steve asked, mouthing over Tony's jaw, working his way down the slender neck.

“Damn it.” Tony gasped and let his head fall back. “I want you anyway,  _ every way _ , but why don't you take off your shirt just so I can be sure? You know, for science.”

Steve burst out laughing, trying to muffle it in Tony's neck, and Tony bit him playfully.

“I'm being serious. Take your shirt off.”

“Absolutely not. Not here. I can't risk getting kicked out when I still need to study.” Steve started pulling away, the laughter helping clear his mind, setting Tony down gently. “And I'm pretty sure we discussed waiting until after my exam for anything like this.” 

“Aw you're no fun.” Tony complained. “Can't get a guy started and then leave him like this. The only blue I like is your eyes. Nothing lower than that.”

Steve laughed out loud then, and shook his head. “Tony, first of all, you started this. I was looking for a book. And really, a blue balls joke?”

“First of all--” Tony sniped. “That's literally the line a porn star would say. ‘I'm just looking for a book’.” When Steve rolled his eyes Tony punched his shoulder lightly. “And the blue balls reference… well that's what you get for dating a twenty year old.” Tony wrapped his arms around Steve's neck and kissed him hard again. “But please keep studying handsome. I'm getting impatient.”

“I know.” Steve sighed and kissed Tony's forehead. “Me too, babe.”

*********************

**Chapter Four**

*********************

Steve hadn't heard from Tony in almost thirty hours. 

He didn't want to worry, he absolutely didn't, but Tony texted him non stop most days, and Steve hadn't seem him since their ‘almost’ study break the afternoon before. He had received only one text after Tony had left for the day, a short sweet note telling him that he wouldn't be by that night, so Steve could get some actual sleep, and that he would see his beautiful ass later. 

Steve had sent back about a dozen kissy-faces, knowing it would make Tony laugh, and put his phone on silent for the rest of the night. 

He had slept great, completely undisturbed, and had woken up lonely as hell, itching to hold his boyfriend - _ boyfriend _ \- they weren't even calling each other that yet, but Steve didn't care. He was already half in love with him anyway.

After a full day at the library, he'd fully expected to open his door and find Tony asleep on the couch, just like he had a few other times. The first time it happened, they had had a huge argument about boundaries and breaking and entering and how could Tony possibly think something like this was ok, and no it  _ didn't  _ matter that Tony could pick almost any lock because he was a genius,  Tony had rolled his eyes, planted a loud kiss on Steve's lips,  and snatched his keys, running down to a shop to get a copy made for himself. 

Steve had tried to be upset about that, but couldn't quite manage it, and had just sighed and kissed Tony anyway. 

Then he started coming home to Tony passed out of the couch, or raiding his fridge, or curled up in a recliner reading, and it was perfect.  Steve refused to think about how crazy it was that the twenty year old he hadn't known a month ago now had a key to his place, and instead just focused on how happy he was every time Tony smiled at him.  

But Tony wasn't there tonight, hadn't been there at all, and it was nearly midnight, and Steve still hadn't received any replies back from any of  his texts.

Finally, and hating himself for doing it, for thinking what he was thinking, Steve grabbed his keys and headed out for the house Tony partied at.

*************

“Hey man.” Steve took a step back and smiled politely when a teenager opened the door. “I'm looking for Tony, you seen him?”

The kid was wasted, eyes barely open, balancing himself on the door jam. 

“Dave’s not here, man.” He collapsed into hysterical laughter, joined by several voices from inside.

“Wonderful. I walked into a Cheech and Chong movie.” Steve sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.  “Look. Tony. He's about five foot nine, dark hair, has  kind of a goatee. Always wears black. Gloves with no fingers? Um… oh he has a tongue ring?”

The kids eyes lit, well as much as they could considering how spectacularly out of it he was, and he grinned.

“Oh.  _ Tony. _ With the tongue ring. Yeah man I know him. Everybody knows him. Everybody  _ loves _ Tony.”

Steve looked away, his stomach twisting a little. “So is he here, then? Can you tell him Steve is here? Or-or point me in the right direction at least?” 

“Outback.” He jerked a thumb around the building. “Last I saw he was headed out back. Might not want to disturb him though. Pretty sure he and Brian are busy. Trust me, you don't want to mess with Brian when he’s busy.”

“Brian. That's- just…. Goddammit.” Steve cursed under his breath and walked around the house quickly, following an alley. “Tony!” He called, getting angrier with each step he took. “TONY!”

Noises around the corner had him moving faster and he finally heard Tony's voice, sounded sluggish and annoyed. 

“Brian what the fuck. Let me go.”

“What's the problem Tony? We've gone a few rounds before, what's one more?”

“I have a boyfriend now. Get off.” 

Tony pushed weakly at the larger kid crowding into his space, forcing him against the wall. 

“Don't be like that. Hey!” The kid grabbed Tony's jaw hard, holding him still. “Look at me. We made a  _ deal,  _ brainiac.”

“Yeah and I paid you already, so back off.”

“Yeah well I want more than money. Call it make up for the last time I hooked you up for free.”

“Get off Brian.” Tony pushed harder and the Brian kid just laughed, shoving a thigh between Tony's legs and forcing a brutal kiss on his lips. “Damn it Brian I'm not kidding!! I don't want you!”

“Tony. Boys like you _ always  _ want guys like me. Don't act so stuck up, you were  _ begging  _ for it last time.”

“I'm not begging for it now, so get off! Get OFF!!”

Steve finally came up on them in time to see Tony struggling hard, yelling, trying to kick the man off of him. 

“ _ Hey!”  _ Steve shouted, and whoever hell ‘Brian’ was looked up in annoyance.

“Wait your turn beautiful. There's  _ always _ enough of Tony to go around.”

“Enough Tony-- You son of a bitch.” Steve took two big steps closer, spinning Brian around by his shoulder, and laying a jaw shattering punch to his face.

Brian went down screaming, holding his face, and Steve turned to look at Tony, who's glazed over eyes were staring in shock.

“Oh my god. Steve you almost killed him. Where did you learn to punch like that? You’re like a superhero. You came  _ looking  _ for me? What are you--”

“Come on.” Steve bent and picked Tony up, just tossing him over his shoulder like he hardly weighed anything. 

He managed to get him into the car with minimal bumping, and Tony just collapsed into the seat, head hanging loosely, eyes dilated to nearly invisible. 

His shirt was torn, pants looking worse than usual, and he was missing one of his gloves, and he stared, wiggling his bare fingers idly. 

“I am a lost boy from Neverland. I usually… hang out… Peter Pan…” Tony was slurring some lyrics to a song Steve had caught a few times on the radio. “Run lost boy run they say…” 

“Tony. What the fuck.”

Tony giggled and tipped his head over to look at him. “Stevie baby you came for me. That's the craziest thing in the world. I was laying there thinking how much I missed you and then--”

“Just shut up. What the hell were you even doing there?” Jaw tight, Steve through the car into a u-turn and took off the opposite way. 

“Thought you wanted me to shut up baby? How am I supposed to tell you what I was doing there if you want me to shut up?” Tony laughed again and Steve wanted to put his fist through a window.

“Yeah you know what, I do. Just- just shut up.” 

He didn't speak again, not until he had carried Tony into his duplex and laid him out on the couch, propping his head up with a pillow to keep his airways clear. Pulling several bottles of water, wash cloths and a trash can close to the couch, Steve took a deep breath and brushed Tony's hair off his forehead. 

“I'm going to sit up with you tonight, alright?  Make sure you're ok. You seem..worse this time, even though I don't really have much to go on as far as how bad a high can be...or, or whatever.” he sighed. 

“It's fine.” Tony waved him off. “Fucking fine. Haven't OD’d yet. Shouldn’t tonight. Should be fine. Go sleep in that big bed of yours. I'll come sleep with you if you want.”

“Jesus Christ.” 

Steve started stripping him, first that stupid glove, then the torn t shirt. Yanking the skinny jeans off was harder, and Steve looked away when he realized Tony wasn't wearing any underwear. 

“You can look Steve. Everybody else has. You don't have to be such a prude. Not with me.” Tony's words were more and more slurred as he got closer to passing out, and Steve didn't know if he wanted to scream or cry. “Run lost boy run, they said…” he sang slowly. “Hanging out with Peter Pan….”

After he had Tony situated and safe, Steve retreated into the kitchen. Angling a chair so he could see through the doorway to the living room, he poured a glass of whiskey, and sat up all night, watching Tony sleep.

********************

“You look like hell.” Tony said, when Steve got out of the shower the next morning. “But I probably look worse, right? What a fucking night.” He lifted the blanket on his lap and smirked. “Steve, you had me naked all night and didn't even try--”

“I can't do this right now, okay Tony?” Steve interrupted. “I'm going to drop you off at home and then hit the library.”

“You're upset.” Tony sat up all the way, pulling the blanket up to cover more of his chest. “Okay, you’re upset. I can explain-- um, I just knew you were busy studying, so I tried to give you some space and ended up partying and just--”

“I don't care.” Steve handed him a bottle of water and reached for his jacket. “I don't care Tony. Just hurry up. Get dressed.”

“Don't be like that.” Tony rubbed his hand over his rough stubble. “Come on, Steve, I didn't ask you to come get me. You can’t act like a martyr because you choose to be a hero.”

Steve banged  fist into the table angrily and Tony yelped in surprise. 

“God dammit Tony. If I wouldn't have come looking for you, you would have ended up ra--” he swallowed hard, hardly even able to say the word. “Hurt in some filthy alley behind a house where no one knew you. And you think I shouldn’t be upset about that? 

Tony had to grace to look a little ashamed but still tried to shrug it off. “They- they knew me there.”

“Are you kidding me? Are you actually  _ fucking  _ serious, Tony?  _ Nobody  _ knew who I was talking about until I mentioned your tongue ring. Want to explain that reasoning to me? Or maybe why your pal Brian felt completely comfortable holding you down while putting his hands all over you? Huh? If I wouldn't have shown up would he just have… used you and left you there? Ripped out of your mind? Basically helpless? And you want me to  _ not be upset?” _

Tony looked away from Steve's angry gaze. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what? How on earth am I looking at you?”

“Like I'm some nasty thing you don't want in front of you.” Tony's voice went quiet. “Please talk to me, but not looking like that. I can't handle that.” 

“How am I supposed to look then?” Steve folded those big arms across his chest and Tony had never felt so small. “At the risk of sounding like everyone else who gives a damn about you, you're  _ wasting yourself _ . You're brilliant, and funny and sweet and so good looking, and you let yourself get manhandled in alley ways by the guys you buy your drugs from. While I-” he pointed at himself, “- am sitting here panicking because I haven't heard from my boyfriend in almost two days, and went looking for you, only to get the awful  idea that  _ everyone _ knows you. And I mean knows you in a way that I  _ certainly  _ don't. How am I supposed to look after finding all that out?” 

“Steve, I told you why I use, you said--”

“Yeah you did. But that's not really a valid excuse Tony. Go get in the car.” Steve tried to keep his voice even, knowing if he gave in at all, he'd cry like he'd wanted to do all night.

“I don't want to leave if we're fighting.” Tony said stubbornly. “No, Steve. Let’s just talk. You're so important to--”

“Don't.” Steve shook his head. “I was afraid you were going to die last night, and I wouldn't even be able to tell paramedics what you took. I'm _ always  _ afraid when I see you high. And you don't even care. I went looking for you at midnight, found you in some pissed in alley about to be hurt, and you  _  don't even care.  _ No, Tony. You don't  _ get  _ to say things like that. Not after--” Steve clenched his jaw, and looked away. “I have the most important test of my  _ life _ on Wednesday so you need to go home, get clean, and I will call you after.”

“You aren't going to talk to me for three days?” Tony said desperately. “Babe come on--”

“You had no problem disappearing and not talking to me for a few days, Tony. I need some time and space because I have too much on my plate to deal with  _ this  _ right now.” 

Tony jerked like he'd been slapped, and Steve couldn't look at the pain in his eyes. 

“Okay.” He said after a long minute, chewing his lip anxiously. “Okay. You’re right. That's fair. Can I get dressed in your bathroom?”

“Whatever you need, Tony.” Steve said wearily and dropped his face into his hands, letting out a bone deep sigh. 

A few minutes later, Tony reappeared, fully dressed, head down, hands in his pockets. 

“I'll find a ride. I don't want to bother you with is. I'll just… I called someone.”  He mumbled and headed out the door, “I guess I'll wait to hear from you. “ he slammed it shut before Steve could reply.

“You do that.” Steve said to the empty room, and collapsed into a chair, shoulders shaking as he tried to get himself under control.

********************

**Chapter Five**

********************

Steve spent every day of the next three weeks re-reading every text in his phone between him and Tony, from the very first flirty texts to the more heartfelt ones later on. 

He hated it. 

Loved it. 

Missed Tony so much it was like a physical ache inside of him. 

The day his results came in, Steve actually sat at his table and cried. 

Eight years of school were finally over. Countless hours of studying. The last three weeks of pacing and worrying and running every minute of the exam through his mind over and over again. 

And he had passed. 

Steve poured himself a celebratory shot of his favorite aged whiskey, and picked up his phone to call Tony. 

*****************

They met at the cafe they used to order from when they would study together, and Steve sat there for nearly fifteen minutes before Tony pulled up, stepping out of a brand new bright red car. 

“Sorry I'm late.” He was dressed in his standard black skinny jeans, even though these ones weren't ripped. The light blue t-shirt was a change and Steve couldn't help the spark of interest at the way it stretched and pulled over Tony's arms and chest, bringing out the soft brown in his eyes. His gloves were gone, but the eyeliner was still there, even if it was a little less caked on , and his goatee had grown in nearly all the way, making him look several years older, and Steve kind of loved it. 

“It's no problem. You, um, drove? Since when?” Steve eyed the shiny new car with a little smile. 

“Yeah. Got my license. Bought a car.” Tony followed his gaze out the window. “I never wanted to drive, not after my mom’s accident, but I figured it was time.”

“Good for you.” Steve meant it. “I can't imagine that was an easy decision to come to.” 

“It really wasn't.” They were quiet, awkwardly so, as the waitress came over to give them menus. “So.” Tony finally said. “The bar? Have you heard?””

“I passed!” Steve couldn't stop the grin, and Tony's whole face lit up in an answering smile.

“I knew you would. I  _ knew  _ it. Steve, that's amazing. I am so--” his voice trailed off, but his smile didn't dim, and Steve nodded. 

“Yeah, it-- I know man, thank you. It really is amazing. I've got a job waiting at a firm downtown and everything. I start next week.”

“So um, you didn't…call. I waited, and you didn't… why not?” Tony looked out the window, his fingers flexing nervously. “I thought maybe you’d changed your mind but I really--..” 

“Tony.” Steve held his hand up, and took a deep breath. “I didn't call at first, because I needed to know if I passed or not first. I had to get it taken care of.  Because whether you meant to be or-or  not, you were a total distraction these last few weeks. Honestly I feel like you really tried to be.” he chuckled and Tony shook his head, panicking. 

“I swear, Steve I was just--”

“And before I could even think about seeing you again,” he continued, “I had to know if feeling like--” he motioned between them “-like  _ this  _ about you was more detrimental than helpful to me. We had so much fun but if it was detrimental… well that's a whole other thing to be dealt with.”

“We did have fun, right?” Tony said wistfully. “And you passed.” he couldn't keep the hopeful light in his eyes away and Steve smiled a little. 

“I passed. So I called you as soon as I knew.” he reached out across the table for Tony's hand. “I um, I've missed you, Tony. Like it's been making me insane. I’ve missed you. Even the moments that weren't.. Weren't so fun.”

“Oh my god.” Tony dropped his head onto the table with a thud. “I missed you too. Oh my god.” He mumbled, and sniffed loudly. “Um I got you a present. For when you passed. I knew you would, so I planned ahead.” He dug in his pack and pulled out a folded letter. “Here.”

Steve sent him a curious look, and opened it, scanning the contents quickly.

It was a list of test results, all of them reading negative.

“What's… what is this? What's it mean?” he put it down on the table and cocked his head. He didn't let go of Tony's hand though, and the boy squeezed it thankfully. 

“It means--” Tony cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably. “It means that, um, the morning you went to take your exam, I went to the doctor and got tested for everything I possibly could, just in case. It means that I started learning to drive that same weekend, so I could get a car and start working my way towards being an adult. I finally quit being lazy and submitted my Thesis so I can work on getting accepted to the doctorate program. I haven't left my aunt’s house for any reason other than errands in a month. Not  _ any _ other reason.” He emphasized. “It means that, I am really hoping my shitty mistakes haven't ruined things with you, and even though I completely understand why you needed space, I am selfishly hoping you never need space again. It means----”

“Tony.” Steve interrupted his speech. “Honey, it says here you got tested for Chicken-Pox.”

“Right.”

“And a gluten allergy?”

“It just seems like guys who wear glasses are also allergic to weird things.” He said defensively. “I was trying to cover all my bases!”

“Dogs?” Steve was trying to hide a smile, finding embarrassed Tony completely adorable. 

“I want a dog.” Tony bit his lip. “Just making sure I could have  one.”

“I want one too.” Steve replied softly, and Tony looked up uncertainly. 

“I know we still have a lot to talk about.” Tony admitted. “And work out. Questions that need answered but, um. I mean, I still  _ really _ want to try being with a lawyer.” He looked up through his lashes and smiled that slow little smirk that always drove Steve crazy. “Have I- have I missed my chance?”

His cheeks tinged pink nervously, and Steve leaned across the table. 

“You blushing is the cutest damn thing I’ve ever seen.” 

*********************

Laying in bed together,  _ several  _ lovely hours later, Tony stretched with a low moan, wincing at the burn between his legs, and draped himself over Steve's chest. 

“So. You asked me which drugs worked the best for me.”

Steve tensed and shook his head, wrapping a thick arm around Tony's back. “No, Tony. Let's not talk about this now. Not...now. Come on.” 

“Listen.” Tony tapped his chest to shut him up. “None of the drugs worked for me, not very well, but sex  _ always  _ did. Quieted my brain, blanked me out for hours. So I had… a lot of it. The physical contact, just being held. It's addicting. But I-I didn't do that, or at least not so much since I moved here. None since I met you. None at all.” Steve nodded his understanding and just  held him tighter. “I told you the first day we met that I was just lost, and I meant it. Some days are harder than others, and some days I’m more lost than others. It just happens.” 

“I remember.” Steve murmured. “I know, baby.”

“But, I don't feel like that anymore.” Tony snuggled as close as he could. “Not with you. Not like this. No hard days. I'm not lost, Steve, not anymore.”

*************

Epilogue

*************

“Fucking  _ hell _ Steve.” Tony dropped his head back and bit his lip bloody trying to quiet a scream. 

“Want to hear you baby.” Steve grunted in his ear, pinning Tony harder to the wall and thrusting harder. “You know I love to hear you.”

“Can't. Library. Gotta be quiet.” Tony's hands were scrabbling all over Steve's shoulders, down his arms, tearing at the wall paper trying to find something to hold on to when Steve bottomed out inside him again. 

Tony's pants had been tossed into a bookshelf, his shirt hiked up to under his arms so Steve could get his hands on as much skin as possible. He had pulled Steve's glasses off and ripped off as many buttons as he could until the shirt was laying open against all that perfect tan skin. 

“Like hell we can't be loud. You're so good like this, how am I supposed to be quiet?”  Steve murmured in a hoarse tone that curled Tony’s toes, ratcheted his desire up even higher. “Want to hear you, love when you're screaming.” 

Tony moaned, closing his eyes, letting himself sink farther into Steve's embrace, letting the heat race up his spine as Steve moved inside him, every inch of his body crying out for  _ more more more  _ from his boyfriend. 

“Do you know I love you?” He said softly, so softly that he couldn't be sure Steve even heard, as the blonde shifted their positions enough to make Tony see stars as a spot deep inside him lit up. “Ah, babe. Keep doing that. Come on come on.” He urged breathlessly and Steve took his lips in a hard kiss, holding him still with one big hand, the other pulling over Tony roughly. It was barely minutes later when Tony bit down hard into Steve's shoulder, muffling the noise as he cried his release.

“Yeah Tony. Baby, baby just like that for me.” Steve was nearly growling, his orgasm thrumming through his body, making his legs shake as he held them both up. 

When he could finally breathe again, when his muscles unlocked, Steve pressed a gentler kiss to Tony's red, bruised lips, 

“I love you too, my lost boy.” he brushed hair off Tony's forehead, touching the soft pink blush on his cheeks. 

“I'm not lost anymore.” Tony corrected, tracing over Steve's face and jaw tenderly, and Steve swallowed back the emotion clogging his throat. 

“Not while I'm here.” Steve promised. “Never again while I'm here.”


End file.
